Dawnsky · Chronicles

Never before have I realized how truly great a friendship is, until I fear it's at its breaking point. Never before have I pondered on it, until it slips through my fingers.

I kill all that crosses my path to destroy my sorrow. I fight to destroy all depression. I sob to forget all regret. I dream to erase anyone and everyone I ever knew and ever loved. None of this works. I still feel sorrow, I still feel depression, I still have regret, I still love. My voice can not raise above a whisper. My cheeks are permanently tear-streaked. I cannot touch a piano, a lute, a violin. I am there, but I have nothing. I exist in this world, but I am forever numb. I sleep, but no dreams enter my mind. I walk, but I do not feel my feet  touch the ground.

All I wish for is to be dead and cold in the ground; thoughtless, regretless, sorrowless. My hand will not let me touch the dagger, nor will it turn a fireball upon me. I walk, I stare, and I wallow. I'm nothing, not anymore.

I fear I have lost the best friend I shall ever have. I shall slice out my tongue and avoid her for the rest of my life, if only she will forgive me for what I said and have done. Everything I've ever done, and will do, in the future. I will admit I had been proud, arrogant, furious, and stupid. I will admit that I didn't want to admit as much. I see no light now. I run on blindly. If my dear friend can forgive me, I can leave happy. Surely, she will not care to see me, even if she does forgive me.

A flaming friendship slows to a flicker, soon to be extinguished, just as soon as someone blows lightly, or makes too quick a movement. Shadows are thrown against the wall by this dying light. 

I do not deserve forgiveness, and I never will. But I pray, by this dying light, that I will recieve it.